I think most parents want a decent relationship for the kids sake. Trips to the pumpkin patch and vacations might seem impossible freshly seperated… It’s so possible! I’m a believer now, looking at our relationship and where we have been.
Eliminating the mindset “well I could, but they…” has got to change before anything can get better. (mind you, I’m talking about non-abusive parents)
Right after a split, both or at least one parent should immediately go to a coparenting class, a parenting center, and counselor. Counties and non-profits pay to operate free parenting centers. Plus, there are tons of resources online.
Really, jumping on this before finding your divorce lawyer is imperative. This doesn’t mean you both will spend time together. Actually, it’s quite the opposite.
After seeking assistance on how to start this transition, a temporary schedule between parents is important. It’s not easy (we could never agree). Parenting resources should be able to assist you, because every family is different (i.e. Sally plays soccer and Tommy goes to preschool). I used free sample schedules online, that a court would use.
Me and Aaron had such hard and rocky beginning. We NEEDED a third party to help counsel. Like us, people start the parenting discussion with, “you’re trying to take the kid(s) away from me, I know it!”
We worked through this…for the most part. We still have our moments.
Basically, I’m suggesting the moment you say ,”it’s over”, you immediately say (together or by yourself) , ” okay, now that’s over, time to work as a team or do my part, for the kids.”
Shut the emotions off and start thinking, ” dad can have the kids on Friday because they love going to soccer with him.”
We split time initally according to development stages. We didn’t spend much time with or around each other. We didn’t spend much time talking on the phone or in person.
We did this for as long as we needed to, to be in a better place. So we had healthy space away from each other, while sharing the kids.
Now, we do a lot together. We help each other out when it’s reasonable, and directly involves the kids.
No matter what point you’re at, it’s not too late to change. A healthy coparenting lifestyle is a possible choice (even if your ex doesn’t want to choose it too).
I hope you found some inspiration for your journey. Emails are always welcome. We would love to hear from you, especially if you need some support.
Until next time darling.