Believe it or not, my ex and I have been to family court after our first child.
We reconciled, had our second child, and then we split up…again.
To be fair, if anyone has seen parents at their lowest of lows…it’s a judge and mediator in family court.
So we went through the infuriating court mediation process. You leave feeling like you are in hell, because you pretty much have court hanging over you when you aren’t even there.
The one thing the court did, that changed the game, was send us to a mandatory co parenting class (taught by a court family therapist).
Seriously, everyone with children needs to go.
Long story short, I learned a lot. And I will share my notes in another blog.
Ironically, it has been a very long and trying road to finally use the majority of tools in my co parenting kit.
Maybe, as a new parent I hadn’t experienced enough to understand everything the class was talking about at the time. But, the bad and ugly things I heard and saw was enough to scare me straight.
I saw a possible tragic future for my child. It pushed me to fear, which pushed me back to want to work things out with my ex. And they did, enough to want a second wonderful child.
We lived together, tried to parent together. Soon after the birth of our son, we hit the breaking point.
Flash forward one year. We still have not gone back to court since our daughter was a baby (knock on wood). We went from fighting constantly to tiffs here and there. Im happier than when we were one household. I’ve experienced both “worlds” and know which is the winner for all of us.
I got over the “ideal” family. I am determined to be a co parenting trail blazer.
Some people think they aren’t over the romantic relationship, when actually they just aren’t over the “dream family”.
Do yourself a favor and reflect on your wish list you have of your ex, and cross the picture perfect family off.
It might not sound feasible, but you will get over it. A happier, mentally present parent, is best for the child(ren).
The more you work on co parenting, the more at peace you will become with your living situation and the end of the romantic relationship you once had.
I feel like I can be the best parent now, and parent with my ex.
If this is similar to your experience of a failed relationship, and you feel “stuck” emotionally, try: working on your parenting. Inevitably it changes the other parent. Which changes the dynamic between the two of you. What that will look like, will vary, but you will be better for getting over it.
Thanks, hoping to hear from you darling.